Sometimes you just have to approach dementia with humor. If you don't it will wear you down even quicker. In Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brickley we are taught how important it is to make the Alzheimers patient's life simpler and to find happiness where we can for them. I think that is doubly true for the caregiver as well. It is tiring having to rewash dishes after Mom has "washed them" (with cold water and no soap) and to pick up the crumbs of granola bar that she set out for the cat (who really has no interest in granola bars) and to pick up half empty cans of Dr. Pepper because she forgot that she'd already opened one and so gets another (and another). So sometimes you have to simply reflect on what happened during your day and find that joy or humor for yourself amongst all the chaos.
We've recently had to take the knobs off the stove and hide them. Mom would try to cook and simply made burnt food. We also have a fear she might turn the gas burners on and leave them. So the knobs have been hidden and I sometimes carry one around in my sweater pocket if I know I'm going to be doing a lot of cooking. She sometimes notices when she is "cleaning" the stove (with a tissue) and ponders where "the things" went. (Our answer is always, "I'm not sure. We'll have to ask (random family member) if they've seen them.") It's frightening thinking about how easily she could burn the house down if we left the knobs in place. It's for all our safety and fortunately, she doesn't get too distressed about it.
Once a week our neighbor brings us a meal. She's on a soup kick right now and it is nice knowing there will be one less meal a week that I have to cook. Yesterday it was chili. Good hearty meaty and vegetable filled chili. Right up Dad's alley. (I'm vegetarian, so I usually fix a PB&J on neighbor dinner night or eat any meatless leftovers.) We'd already eaten for the evening so she left it on the kitchen counter since it was still hot. Mom got up to get a Dr. Pepper and was gone a bit longer than I was comfortable with, so I went to the kitchen to see what she was up to. She'd washed a few dishes and I noticed the chili was in a pot on the stove and the container was "washed" and in the drying rack. I led Mom back to the living room and went back to the kitchen to clean up after her adventure in "cooking".
As I'm pouring the chili back into the (now correctly rewashed) container I noticed that there were all kinds of meat shapes in the chili. And peas and carrots. Interesting touch for chili, but OK. I put the chili in the refrigerator and opened the garbage drawer to throw something away when I realized there was an empty can of dog food in the garbage. I'd already fed the dog for the evening and that can was in the dishwasher. Yep. You guessed it. Mom had supplemented the chili with a can of dog food. Beefy stew with real peas and carrots. Unfortunately it doesn't look like anyone will be eating Chili Surprise this week.
I could have gotten angry. I could have yelled and screamed and even cried, but the reality is that none of those things would do any good. Mom wouldn't learn and would have only gotten upset. Expressing that frustration would make me and those around me have negative emotions that we don't need to carry around with us. So instead, I decided to find the humor in the situation and be thankful that I noticed what had happened and saved me having to feed Chili Surprise to anyone, including the dog. I noticed that the dog's dish was missing and went on a hunt for it. I found it inside the toaster oven (which is on a shelf and not plugged in) set to 450° filled with a serving of Chili Surprise. The dog has no idea how lucky she is to not have eaten that meal. So find the moments of joy in life, even if it is a ruined pan of chili.
And the dog and cat food have now been moved somewhere new.
Michelle
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